Tag Archives: anniversary

A Public Display of Gush

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This was originally going to be a short instagram post, this public gush. However, in the days leading up to this November 16th, something was aching in my heart to take it to the blog. I can be louder here. More detailed. Something I feel is necessary today.

So as a pathetic intro, forgive me for my silence as of late; I understand its been quite some time. I do hope, however, that today will spark a new routine that includes this here forum. I sure have missed it.

You may remember our story (here) of our journey together. I love reminiscing in this way. It brings me back to the simplicity of things when life seems to tack on lots of complex nonsense to sift through. The last few days I’ve been lead into this simplicity again. I feel grounded more than before. More sure than before. More aware. That’s what simplicity and truth can do. They ground me. They blow away the muck and I see clearly again. I see not only what had once been seen and became blurry, although yes, that too. I see new things. The next layer deep. The layer that I couldn’t see before because I was busy seeing the previous layer. His timing is so perfect and He brings revelation from such a patient heart. I’m so grateful and humbled.

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This summer when we lived in LA, I distinctly remember an especially difficult day. Well, a bit of a backstory first: we were working alongside each other leading a school of foreign teenagers who had come for weeks at a time to study English and explore California. Long story short, it was a 24/7 gig.

So, this was a difficult day. I felt stretched thin and deflated. Oz and I had spoken and we both found some courage to give each other and made a game plan for the afternoon. I was walking down the hall away from him and onto my destination when clear as day my whole self felt what I had always longed to be true in my own life,

I wish I could go back to find him sooner so I could love him longer…

Except the quote in all of it’s order and execution didn’t come to me quite so clearly.

The longing did.

And don’t be thrown off…this isn’t the first time I felt love for my husband. Not in the slightest. Love seems to be a multifaceted Rubik’s cube of some sort that with each day you learn more how to navigate and experience. There are multiple surfaces to be lead into and explore.

I felt the ache that time together hadn’t started soon enough and my heart was and is full of so much love for him. Sometimes it feels like too much for only now and onwards. Perhaps borrowing from the past, placing our starting marker back a few years would suffice so I could unleash this love sooner and be in this bliss longer with the man who stole my heart in the most courageous way. I couldn’t muster up this quote in the moment, and my flustered state made me laugh. I thought, here it is! Here is what this feels like! And I can’t put my finger on it. It was deeply romantic and not romantic at the same time. Oz wasn’t even in the room anymore. No dim lighting, no candles, no bold heroic movement on my behalf. Except, maybe the latter.

When life is hard and people are mean it is the heroic thing to be present with each other. To know someone so deeply that you know exactly what they need to hear. You know exactly what to do. The kick in the pants, or the extra-long hug. You can read between the lines and call out the brave in each other. Call out the victory and triumph. Even if you can’t fix it or you don’t know how, the effort of holding up each others arms calms many storms. In moments like this one, on that difficult day, I felt our hearts align as one. Functioning together as two individuals who chose to submit to something greater than themselves. To walk together as a unit through it all. This is an inspiring dynamic.

I realize more and more with each married day how incredible it is to live life together. Although we are not perfect at it, we are getting better at being there for each other. And may I remind us all that it has never been just the two of us. Lord knows I’m blind as a bat sometimes with seeing what my husband needs or understanding what he’s really trying to say. Neither of us are mind-readers and we both have thrown our own emotions as darts at the most inappropriate times. Without the humility to go before our Father and pray for wisdom in our marriage, for discernment as we handle each other with care, or being honest enough to go to trusted people in our community when we need a third party to sort through something messy, we would be nowhere near where we are today.

In the midst of my stress and the chaos and fear of our work lives that day, I laughed with relief and joy and resolve that love is much bigger than our circumstances and even our selves. I’d rather go through life as a warrior with this man by my side than to sit in the lap of luxury, ignorant to the beauty that courageous and bold love brings. This love changes us. It transforms us. It gives us a beautiful picture of our Father and how big His love is for us. If I can desire for time to stretch in both directions, forward and backward, simply to love my husband longer and make him mine sooner, how much more is His longing toward us? Afterall, He IS love. And he displayed the greatest of loves when he humbly laid down his life for us. All for the non-complicated fact that He is wanting to spend life together, with us. How much deeper is joy when in we are in alignment with the heart of our Savior. The one who knows us and first loved us. Even when we kicked and screamed and doubted his authenticity. His bravery astounds me and inspires me. He painted us a very clear and simple picture of what love is.

It is with this picture of love, coupled with my own heart’s journey with my husband, that I reminisce on November 16th. Our fifth anniversary of being a thing. We weren’t yet Oz & Bee when we went to breakfast that Monday morning. We were two individuals with a hope of becoming something amazing. There was so much mystery ahead of us. We were a mystery to each other. What’s cool is that there is still mystery. Our first handful of years together isn’t going to look like the next handful. But we are going to enter into it as different people. We’ve got a few tools on our belt now. We have a rhythm together. Still shaky at times, but its there.

In all honesty, I don’t think I need the years we didn’t have together. We weren’t ready yet. We were being primed for a great adventure neither of us knew how to dream about. And although at times I wish I knew then what I know now, I don’t wish that upon me today. I like not having all the answers. I am enjoying learning as we go. I enjoy being present.

And I know I said I’d rather be a warrior than have luxury, but Lord knows I’d never turn down a chance to lounge poolside with a white robe and a cocktail. I could also be very present in that moment. Happily.

Happy High-five years to the making of Oz & Bee. Although November 16th is not our wedding anniversary, I still celebrate it as the incredible first day to the rest of our lives.

You are my favorite human, Oz.

I love you in all of time’s directions,

Bee, your wife.

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Excited & Blessed

Happy 2013! I love celebrating the new year. Especially the last 2…This year has already proved to be an incredible one. There is just a sense in the air that this is a good year. Lots of favor, blessing, joy and peace. There is a happy rest in my heart. One that I have been longing for for some time now. There is already a fresh squeeze of creativity and motivation to dive into projects, independently and collectively with Oz and friends. I am beyond excited for this year. Beyond. We are settling into our new apartment in the community that we adore. What a sweet gift to live next to great friends.

Here’s how we closed out twenty-twelve:

Oz & Movember met again. However, they stay together pretty much all year long. And I support it.

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We kissed at a friends wedding:

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He finally got his tattoo that goes with mine. One year-ish later.  And best part, my brother got to do the honors. This all went down in this fabulous shop.

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My first Black Friday experience with these gems:

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Sunday Fundays with #ghlg:

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Seaport Village is always stocked with beautiful views, sunsets, people watching and great chai lattes from Upstart Crow

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Christmas sailing with my family!

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Seems San Diego’s great weather is also her greatest fault…no wind in our sails. However it was quite a great day. And we all counted our blessings that we could be together out on the water for Christmas.

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Oz serenading us with some Yann Tiersen on Christmas Eve:IMG_2155

Our New years and 2 years at midnight!

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Oz and I have a goal for this year (well, we have a few goals for this year, but I’m not talking about those right now). Each month we want to venture out as local tourists in southern California. I hope to document our local travels so if you one day find your self in this sunny corner of the country, you get some good ideas of where to go and what to do. This year is going to be such a blast. I will say it again and again. I am greatly looking forward to it and am ready to embrace each season and everyday.

Excited & blessed,

Zulu

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1, 2, 3…

Today is November 16th, 2012.
Three years and two days ago Oz and I went to a mutual friends celebration of one year sober. A glorious and worthy celebration it was. That night Oz and I finally had the chance after a handful of years of just missing each other to actually sit down and talk.

catch up.

reminisce.

learn.

chat.

laugh.

You see, we first met when we were 17. Don’t ask us how…neither of us can actually remember our first exchange.

he liked me.

I liked a boy. A different boy.

Or so that’s what I told him.

(I know…I’m such a brat!)

Graduate.

College.

Me, New Zealand.

Me,Home.

Him, China.

Him, Home

My boyfriend.

My Break-up.

His girlfriend.

No break-up.

My boyfriend.

See what I mean? Just barely missing each other.

His break-up.

My break-up.

Finally…both single. both 22. five years of quick email chats and updates, but nothing more. Until November 14th, 2009.

We came back into the house after playing ukulele on the porch with a couple other people. He was the only person, besides the gal we were there to celebrate, that I actually knew. I made myself look busy at the food table as he effortlessly made small talk with two older British women. I thought to myself, Man, he has really grown into a great guy. I’m glad we’re friends again.

It was cold that night. Peacoat weather. But it was toasty inside. Hence his next move. He -without breaking the flow of conversation with his two new friends – takes off his Peacoat and hangs it on the chair just inches away from me.

That. Exact. Moment.

It was like a veil was lifted and 5 years of acquaintanceship suddenly was this overwhelming gush of feelings. Gushy, heart-throbbing feelings.

Holy crap! It was my mission in life the rest of the night to not make an absolute fool out of myself by accidentally flirting with him. Play. It. Cool. I seemed to hide it well though because I later found out Oz didn’t know I liked him for a while. Too well, Bee…too well.

The next morning I spilled to my mom the story of my surprise and unexpected feelings for “the guy from high school…remember? He’s the one who really likes China…”

Just as we were talking I get a text from said boy. After giddy and witty exchanges and me having paced every square foot of my living room it was set.

“So, Monday it is then. Let’s do Swami’s at 9.”

“Rad, sounds great! See you then!”

We were going to on a breakfast date. Well, wait…does he think this is a date? Does he think I don’t think it’s a date? Is he just wanting to catch up still with “his good’ol friend”? Okay, okay. calm down. It’s fine.

November 16th, 2009. Breakfast at Swami’s.

He paid. For his. I paid. For mine. 

I take the blame for that one. I didn’t want him to think I assumed this was a date if he didn’t want it to be a date – how awkward would that be?! So, I offered a ten to cover my food. Come to find out, when I offered the money, he thought that meant I wanted to make sure he knew this wasn’t a date, but he wanted it to be a date. He thought it was a date. I thought it was a date. Until I didn’t think it was a date. That’s when I paid for myself.

We then moved over to his ’89 pick-up truck to jam on the ukuleles. This moment set our dating soundtrack in stone. The sounds of Beirut, Jake Shimabukuro, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero’s and Sigur Ros will forever bring me back to our adventures in early love.

The rest is history. We could hardly stand going a day without seeing each other. And we rarely did. I’m sure our family and friends thought we were so pathetic, but we didn’t care. I had never ever felt such deep love for someone until Oz. After 8 months of togetherness, hiking adventures, banana creme pie eating, movie watching, sunrises and sunsets, beach picnics and trespassing, monthiversary breakfast dates and music playing, he asked me to join him in the craziest adventure we’ve ever embarked on : Marriage.

The next season of engagement of five and a half months was quite the roller coaster. And now, 1 year, 10 months and 15 days into our marriage, we are still adventuring and growing and learning what it truly means to commit and promise, love and cherish and enjoy and edify and honor and respect and support and relax and embrace each other in every season we enter. We are daily in need of our Father’s grace for ourselves and for each other. Who isn’t?

We have had a diverse, lively and unpredictable 3 years. This morning it really settled in that we have the rest of our lives together to figure this thing out and I found such peace in that. We’re just beginning on this journey. It’s still fresh and new and mysterious.

May we continue to surrender our will and mind and hearts to J-sus so that He can continue to shape us into the absolute best for Him, for each other, for our family and everyone else we share life with.

Today we celebrate three years together. Here’s to three more. (and then some…)

There were hardly times when we’d venture out somewhere, anywhere without at least one uke.

With all of our friends getting married, we always had fancy dates planned 🙂

Dating at weddings…

Austin spent 6 weeks in Shanghai getting TEFL certified…upon his return he asked me one mighty big question…

I said yes!!

He saw me for the first time and wept…

We were overjoyed…

Humbled and blessed.

First dance to Devendra Banhart’s “Baby”

H o n e y m o o n i n g up the Californian coast!

Our first cooked meal in our new abode.

Our real honeymoon to Spain and Portugal.

Celebrating birthdays and facial hair.

Our amazing trip to Haiti with with our church.

The Golden hour in our sweet abode.

Luke & Kate work wonders with the camera Check out He and She !

{{all wedding ceremony photography was done by our amazing friends Willy & Meghan}}

Thanks for reading and celebrating with us. We hope your adventures in love also bring you to a place of gratitude, humility, grace and joy. Cheers to Love!

XO – Bee

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